Temporary

Last night I spoke to someone about The Sunk Cost Fallacy.

Now I have two perspectives about these kinds of things.

Let’s start with the one I tend to believe less of the time than the other.

Agreeing with it.

Now, I’m a proponent of exiting a bad situation. Regardless of the kind of situation, whether a sunk investment, whether an unhealthy relationship or even a horrible workout plan. If it doesn’t work out in the allotted period of time + a short grace period, AND YOU TRULY TRIED, to your best of course. Then there’s no time like the present to get up and leave. What are you waiting for exactly? Some revelation from the sky to separate the clouds and let you know that you are being a dumbass? It won’t come, and we both know that. So what’s the next move. Count the pennies lost, say goodbye, and move the fuck on. I.E relive the memories once, remember why you stayed, remember the ups, now remind yourself of why you’re leaving. Not because it was bad when it was happening but because you don’t see a future in it.

Let me provide some personal context to keep this less metaphorical.

I remember having invested in this coin called PYR, now my friend got me in at $9, and that shit went to $56 within 2 months. Goddamn, the ups were upping. So we didn’t pull it all out. Yup, just as you assume, it tanked to $22, and rather than pulling out then, regardless of whatever intuition, gut feelings, whatever you want to call it, we both doubled down. We put more in it and there we go, more was lost when that shit tanked to $1 (maybe less right now). What at a certain point was a fantastic decision, soured over time and rather than leaving at the time we were supposed to, we were meant to, we followed the sunk cost fallacy and went from losing a good amount of money to a great amount of money.
In hindsight, that’s one instance I should have dipped.

It’s all because of the same reason, at it’s core it has less to do with some deeper intellectual understanding of philosophical jargon, and more to do with the comfort of delusion. I felt like it would be okay, because it was okay for those two weeks somewhere between the years, so why not? why wouldn’t it just go back to being like that. Because when milk is sour you can’t unsour it. However you can use it to make a bread starter. That’s the whole point. You take a bad experience, you take that thin line of the blessing of understanding from it and bam bam you use it going forward so that the next steps you take over the hot coals, you got some boots on.

Another instance I should have understood that my cost was my university experience. The day I got to Turkey I knew this isn’t for me. But forces outside of myself had decided that this is where I am to be. Fine, fair enough. But there was a time when I could have left, yet I stayed because people around me told me to keep pushing, one more year, which became one more year, which then now is one more year. Not because I’m failing, simply because forces outside of myself have decided that completion is not something I’m going to be able to secure with more sacrifices than anyone should be comfortable with. Fair enough, I should’ve trusted my gut, fair enough I should’ve had the balls to make a decision for myself. I didn’t, I had them to make other dumbass decisions, but with this one I didn’t. Damn, did I pay for that lack of action.

Turns out being passive is an action of not acting, so it’s not really the absence of action. Wild…

Another example and the last for the purpose of this blog post, is when I engage in relationships. Staying too long. We all know we as people do this shit, and for those of you have been reading this blog for a long time, you know very well, I do this. I take what should’ve been temporary, if it should’ve been in the first place and try to keep it going so long that it feels like I’m Gilgamesh not letting go of Enkidu’s corpse. I have this huge tendency to stay put and keep trying or more honestly put be too scared to let go. What happens then is that I take an initial investment into a person and make it into my whole fucking portfolio. Because when something is tanking if you don’t pull out, you end up getting pulled too deeply in. Every up, every down, every micro change becomes the only thing you are actually attentive in your life about. Your life becomes this failing relationship, attachment issues that weren’t previously present are created. Cause how can I let go of the only thing that I am pushing to keep going, it’s failing and if I don’t keep pushing and keep pushing then what if it just naturally fails.

That’s fate guys. Of course you should try. But when something is doomed from the start, it’s quite like pissing on a forest fire and thinking if I just hydrate myself enough I can stop it’s course. You can’t. I can’t.
It’s okay that it was temporary dude, but let things go. It sucks, you want it, you need it, there’s nothing like it. Except it’s not really that is it? It’s more hours of doubt, long nights of sadness, constant waking up because you just don’t feel at peace. It’s more angst and fear than it is peace and stability. So what are we doing here? Not investing into something and not pulling the investment out. A perfect example of the sunk cost fallacy.

I know that what comes up must come down, equilibriums and shit, but when it’s been down for a while and no matter what you do, it just doesn’t look like it’ll go up. You cut your losses. You realize that time is more important than effort, than love, than anything. Time is the one thing you won’t ever get more of. So let’s not waste any more of it by investing into that stock, into that university, into that person. Cause what 6 months down the line it’ll work out? Yeah if everything was stable maybe you could try to maneuver, but it’s not.

Now on the complete other side, the belief I really feel. Push through difficulty, push through pain, and in the long run shit will be just a bleep in the epic tale of your life, your love, your story.

In life, I’ve found at least at times, that consistency is key. Let’s take going to the gym for example, you could have the shittiest workout program on the face of the earth, yet if you keep your form healthy and stay consistent, you’ll see gains. It’s just how life works. Your body will change because of the length of the period that you’ve placed it under stress and it will adapt. Maybe not as fast, maybe not as good, but eventually you’ll be much better off than when you started and today you’ll be better than you were yesterday.

Going back to the relationship example, I’m a strong believer than commitment is the only fundamental characteristic of a real relationship. You commit to each other, they say I’m here for the good and the bad, and just don’t fucking make it all bad. And you say, I’m committed to you, to just you, to the love we may share, to the pain we may bare, to the ups and downs that come with care. But we’re committed to each other. To push each other to be the best we can, for each other, for ourselves, to become a person that makes you proud to be, makes them proud to be with and vice versa.

Of course, we’re meant to build, you build a relationship, you don’t just keep getting into another thinking O this one won’t be like the other, it won’t be like the 7 last ones. Buddy, you’re the common denominator in all your failed relationships, every person you’ve been with isn’t the problem. You are the one who needs the work, I am the one that needs work. I can’t blame my trust issues on my parents, I can’t blame my traumas and my insecurities and my anxieties, I can’t look at the world and be like O woe is me, why did you create me? I mean fuck all that. You pick someone, you share what’s under the armor and you take care of each other. Sometimes you lose love for each other, sometimes you don’t want to even see the other person, sometimes you struggle so fucking deeply to trust that person, for a number of motherfucking things, their past, their present and even their idea of the future. Yet you look them in the eyes and just say, we are each others, we are committed to going forward in this life hand in hand. There you go, you figure everything else out. Those insecurities about whether they are a cheater, an abuser, manipulative, a weak addict, someone that lacks self control, a junkie, and all the fucking words that could seem like red flags are just character traits, traits that change over time, traits that either you invest to see the person under or you step away and don’t get in the way. By no means, no matter what you are, or what’s been done to you, do you get to say to someone, you will always be the same. Because just as happiness is temporary, so is sadness. Just as those moments they are the best partner on the planet are just moments, so are the moments when they are the worst partners on the planet. So why beef, why argue, why treat the person who shares your bed at night like they are your enemy. Every life has hardships, every story has conflict, it’s what makes an epic tale, epic.

Now of course, you can tell me that this is such a fucked up way to look at life, you should always leave when it’s not what you think all the time. Okay go ahead, go through another one, find them, discover them, get to know them, love them, get broken by them, and say goodbye and start again. Keep repeating yourself. It’s your life and I’m no one to tell you that a fairy tale isn’t in your future, but don’t fairy tales have problems too? I might be wrong but you get to decide how to live your life. Just don’t commit to someone unless you’re prepared to push through the bad, cause then you’re not committed, you’re just enjoying the good times that come with infatuation not the authenticity that comes with love.

Hell the most ironic part of all of it is.

I might die, they might die today. I might get sick, they might get sick. I might go to prison, they might go to prison. Who fucking knows what life has in store for us. So why not make the best of each moment in a way where these moments are just real, real pain, real beauty, real joy. There’s nothing real if there’s no equal and opposite reaction, if there isn’t its just a fucking delusion isn’t it.

This by no means is me telling you to go ahead and call your ex and say we can make shit work. If you’ve stopped seeing each other, clearly there wasn’t commitment to a building a relationship. So rather than sunk costing it, learn what commitment is by keeping your promises to yourself. Only then can you keep your promises to other people yeah.

It’s a fallacy and all fallacies can be questioned They aren’t the end all be all, they aren’t the truth of the world. Hell PYR could go to a $100 right now, who fucking knows. Hell my girl could be the kind of girl who runs to my door at night and just holds me because only she knows how I am constantly broken, hell I could be delusion. I probably am.

I don’t know what to do right now.
Push through with everything in my life, or just pull out.

Just don’t behave passively, cause better to face the consequences for your own decisions than the repercussions of not having the balls to act.

Just don’t forget. It’s all temporary anyway.

Have a good one!