It's about that time of the year when changes are in the air. People close to me are now starting different chapters of their lives. An old friend of mine took 'the long way' but finished his Masters, so onto bigger and better things for him. My partner is leaving for Italy in the morning … Continue reading Autumn.
Tag: blog
fraudulent
"I don't know if you feel this too, but sometimes I feel like who I am now is a fraud. What if the growth I've attempted has been a lie? What if I'm the same person I now despise? And I think that part of us never dies. We simply learn to tame it. Surround … Continue reading fraudulent
Intellectual Stimulation
There's this really sweet tradition my hubbi and I have formed. We send each other emails, regularly, and in those emails we talk about the thoughts in our minds while we spend our day updating each other about our lives, oh yeah and living them obviously. It's a really nice tradition. That and the nightly … Continue reading Intellectual Stimulation
So? Jupiter.
Cute. Someone sweet wrote this, told me I remind them of Jupiter. So Jupiter has this presence about it. It's not just being the biggest out there, it literally dominates. You do or have the capacity to I believe. It's like the charisma and ppl gravitating towards you as you've mentioned, which honestly in my … Continue reading So? Jupiter.
box to box ++
It doesn't make any sense to me how even after being confined in a cell I can still feel boxed in. These places, these spaces, the same 4 fucking walls and not a single giant meadow sight. It's difficult for me, most of the time I don't like to be out and about, I do … Continue reading box to box ++
May 2020: Dependency to Sadness
It's been an entire day-long struggle trying to write this, but I feel as if I need to. There's this song that causes me a lot of grief when I listen to it, it's called 3:00 AM by Finding Hope, the last time I heard it I caused my ex a lot of grief, it … Continue reading May 2020: Dependency to Sadness
pain that hurts and pain that alters
There's a common understanding that pain is a perpetual part of life. Given that, there's also a perspective that observes that there are two kinds, the pain that hurts and the pain that alters. I've been reading this compilation of poetry written by an acquaintance of mine; that's led me to focus on the implications … Continue reading pain that hurts and pain that alters
Nostalgia
Things have started to bother me again. I feel stuck in this cycle that I just don't know how to cut off permanently. My dreams have become this constant onslaught following the theme of completionism. Almost every dream I have has something or another to do with being left behind. Just recently I had this … Continue reading Nostalgia
Short Story: A Conversation with my Best Friend.
Part 1 I have to get you out of my system. What’s there going to be left? Something. Anything. Anything is better than this. You ruin every single good thing I build. Do I? Or do we just build them so we can destroy them together. What makes you feel like you even build anything? … Continue reading Short Story: A Conversation with my Best Friend.
sometimes i get it
sometimes this becomes something it isn't supposed to be. sometimes the focus to grammar is forsaken for the intention of being authentic. don't we all think in lower case most of the time? Someone asked me to write about who I would like to be as a person. There's this question I asked myself in … Continue reading sometimes i get it
they say you only realize you are content when you stop trying to be
The last few posts have been letters that I had written whilst incarcerated. They are part of a much larger series. I had a lot to atone for, and quite a lot of forgiveness to seek out. I can't be too sure because it's hard to be particularly objective when it comes to thinking of … Continue reading they say you only realize you are content when you stop trying to be
HJ
A letter written in prison that I don't believe I'll ever send out to her. To the dearest HJ, I can't believe that it took me landing myself in prison to be able to say this. You were right. You were right about the company I kept. Namely fagnan (changed the name, kept the sentiment). … Continue reading HJ
day after day
I'd like to learn how to make a website so I can start compiling my fiction writings on a website with my name. I have no idea where to start, it's all just a bunch of confusing bullshit... it's not even the code, it's just completely not knowing what to do... I can buy a … Continue reading day after day
only thing that’s promised is that promises are broken
When is enough really enough? Is there ever an ending or does one just keep moving the goal post ahead inch by inch, mile by mile. I was just picking which sleep story to listen to and I happen to come across this ummm cover of this song called closer. It used to be quite … Continue reading only thing that’s promised is that promises are broken
bare of stimulants
It's rare for there to be something to say, something so genuine that sharing it brings about a certain betterment to this world. A certain growth to those that allow the information to truly sink in. I learnt something, I've learnt it over several years but today I think I can clearly articulate it. Understanding … Continue reading bare of stimulants
“paranoid piece of shit”
she said, stop victimizing me in your head.she said she shouldn't have called me to find her cat not because I'm soft and it would hurt me but because I'm cruel.she says I'm a paranoid piece of shit. Wait a second, shouldn't she have not called me because she cheated on me and disrespected my … Continue reading “paranoid piece of shit”
being a kid//the voices in my head
I noticed someone reading my old posts, so I went through one of them. "you and I". Fuck I couldn't remember the rawness of the emotion I felt for C, I was such a child. Being a kid but feeling like an adult is such a surreal moment. I'm grateful that through this blog I … Continue reading being a kid//the voices in my head
P.S I love you
--- I don't particularly know how to start this but today I opened my Netflix to watch some shit show while I ate my 2AM boiled eggs, life's just icky with this clean ass food at this point. I noticed that the movie P.S I love you had been watched. I assume it's my ex, … Continue reading P.S I love you
ada
I write this against my better judgments. There's a post I have on here, some years ago, called 'It's my soul, It's not yours anymore.' It was about this feeling that the partner I had, C, was my only person, my soul, my end-game. She was the first person who I had fallen in love … Continue reading ada
Day 2: I hope you are well.
Though today was harder than yesterday I still feel the same way on the most basal levels. Another day without her. I know she's wronged me. I know it's supposed to be unforgivable. I know I'm supposed to resent her, hate her, want her to feel the pain I feel. But. I don't want any … Continue reading Day 2: I hope you are well.
Cost-Benefit Analysis
It's so hard to find a job. Fuck a well paying one, just any job. I can't do what I used to do, and writing erotic novels again feels like its immoral to add to the porn industry that I fervently stand against. So those were the two methods I had of making money and … Continue reading Cost-Benefit Analysis
slow burn
I've been struggling to think, to write. I think it's writers block or maybe laziness. Or maybe now that I've been writing with an explicit purpose which is to get published I'm just putting pressure on myself to make each word efficient. Though I think it might too early to start practicing economy in my … Continue reading slow burn
Temporary
Last night I spoke to someone about The Sunk Cost Fallacy. Now I have two perspectives about these kinds of things. Let's start with the one I tend to believe less of the time than the other. Agreeing with it. Now, I'm a proponent of exiting a bad situation. Regardless of the kind of situation, … Continue reading Temporary
A Sane Undertaking 