when temporary thoughts take up a permanent place
I've been struggling to find a title for this post. I was about to title it 'I wish I had the words to title this.' This one will be a bit heavy, probably. https://youtu.be/1afd7nFeT-Q I have been doing a bit of research into writing styles, I'm literally taking a writing style quiz right now, before … Continue reading 80: The Next Chapter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7US56N9HZI&feature=share You will find yourself lost in a world without themBut you will healAnd in time,You will realise you are living without the one you thought you couldn't without. I don't know why and how youtube decided to suggest this video to me, but honest to God it could not have come at a better … Continue reading 42: if you decide to leave someone
A list of just about 12 songs could potentially map out my entire conscious life. I suppose the most ironic part is most of them weren't ones I stumbled across, but were songs those from my past life forced me to listen to. The others few? Those I found trying to forget the same people, … Continue reading 41: My Relationship with Music
Am I better or is all the growth a facade? Whenever I find myself listening to slater's slowed and reverbed music I always wonder what I'm doing with my life, I don't think the music has anything to do with per se but rather I think its just a coincidAnce. I'm just listening to Jungle … Continue reading 40: An Apology
A fear of commitment. A fear of acceptance. A fear of intimacy. Even as I write this at 1:23 in the morning, completely faded, I find myself listening to 'Somebody to Love' on repeat. Whilst writing this, I am conscious of what exactly I'm allowing myself to feel. I didn't realise that I ran away … Continue reading 39: Red
The thought of a place I belong, or a place I could unequivocally call home, has been on my mind quite a lot these days. Some years ago, home was an amulgation of a few places, a few feelings; those of comfort and certainty. Home was off tipu sultan road; a family that had dinner … Continue reading 38: Home
Today I woke up completely hopeless. It's a tough morning when I find myself waking at 4pm, tired and exhausted. Upset at myself for not caring that I missed my classes. To be honest, I've grown used to mornings like that, or afternoons even nights. What happened today, that I at this point did not … Continue reading 36: A Breath
I think I've figured out where it all it went to shit. Several years ago, somewhere in late January I lost my uncle. He was assasinated, I don't want to get into the details of the event itself, but rather the proccessing of the event. I remember how I found out, my mother was watching … Continue reading 35: An Important Realisation
It's been an entire day-long struggle trying to write this, but I feel as if I need to. There's this song that causes me a lot of grief when I listen to it, it's called 3:00 AM by Finding Hope, the last time I heard it I caused my ex a lot of grief, it … Continue reading 34: Finding Hope
This is meant to be the introduction in a three-part series that will follow an approach I hope to take as I move on from my current perception of the world to a better one. "To be is to be perceived" - Berkeley.I do not for one agree with all of our Bishops' claims, but … Continue reading 33: Hope
I wrote a poem last night, inspired by The Haunts.It was my first attempt at writing completely free flow, it took about 10 minutes and I don't plan on redrafting. This is my interpretation and why I wrote it. I really can't think a title, it's been two days now since I begun to write … Continue reading 32: Running from What?
"If everything around you seems dark, look around you may be the light" - Rumi I don't know but I can't fall asleep again, I think the insomnia is back. I haven't slept a relevant amount in the past few days, usually from all the addictions. Staying up late making it hard to think clearly, … Continue reading 31: Addicted to Dependence // Why.
I committed to writing everyday, but the past 3 days I couldn't post. Mainly because I was too intoxicated to have any clarity of thought, and whenever I got back rather than working I just kept rolling until I passed out. But today has been different, it's offered me a bit of clarity to be … Continue reading 29: Solitude
A few days ago, my phone's dye pack exploded, and I've basically been going through isolation without it. I still have WhatsApp web just barely, and my iPad does ease the misery but honestly it feels really weird not having the world at my fingertips. Even now as I sit at my laptop typing away, … Continue reading 28: Isolation
There's this book by Charles Duhigg called 'The Power of Habit'. I'm sure most people have read it or at least know about it, but basically it's about the formation of habits and how your habits whether concious or not dictate the way you live. We all know that habits can have a positive influence … Continue reading 27: The Tragedies of Habits
I'm not sure if it was the 1st or the 2nd of June. But in 2019 I lost one of the purest souls I had ever had the privilege of being around, I lost my grandfather. I'm not entirely sure as to what the cause of his death was, I just know he was incredibly … Continue reading 25: Rest in Peace
The past few days I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been busy with life and being happy. Speaking of happiness, it’s been quite a long time since I’ve experienced feelings of joy and security – I think its founded on trust. I’ve always struggled with trust. When I was younger, it was very hard … Continue reading 24: Trust
I haven’t been writing much for this blog the past week. I have been writing a fuck-ton of letters, but nothing for this blog. To be honest I didn’t know what to write about, nothing eventful has been happening other than I’m finally happy. Like genuinely happy. Though I am very worried about it ending … Continue reading 23: The Past Week
Ooof, this is a hard one. February as a month has been a hard one for the past 6 or 7 years. At this point I really can’t remember which year it was, but in 2013 or 2014 I had my greatest role mode taken away from me. It was the end of January I … Continue reading 22: Fuck February
This is a message that all those that read this should hold onto. For you, I know you’re reading this. Every decision I’ve ever made has been intrinsically selfish, not because I don’t care about other people but because in my opinion every single form of human interaction, every exchange, friendship, love or even just … Continue reading 21: I Know You’re Reading This
This past week I haven’t focused much on classes, missed quite a lot. It’s only the second week, probably not the best start. But where I’ve been lacking in focus for school work; I’ve invested a lot of time into making friends, and developing this blog, another one (that’s in the works) and a podcast … Continue reading 20: Productivity
I’ve had this title in my drafts for quite a bit. I’ve known what to write but never felt like starting it. I’ve realised I tend to enter deep into my REM cycle when I sleep for an excess of 7 hours. I rarely tend to have dreams, let alone vivid dreams and sometimes maybe … Continue reading 18: Dream State
I think I forgot the last academic year. If I hadn’t I don’t think I’d have made it this far. But I think it’s time to remember. Early in February 2018 I was accepted into the University of Kent (the easiest to get into from my UCAS but the last to reply). I decided I’d … Continue reading 16: Misplaced Memories
This post covers the past two days. I'm not really going to act like this is sobriety like... Maybe after a month. But I've started saying no more often, which has been allowing me the opportunity to focus more on my academics and the friends I've taken for granted the past several months. I've had … Continue reading 13: Sobriety (the first steps)//learning to live by yourself
In “The End of Chapter 1” I touched upon my final night in the UK, but I don’t think I did justice to that somber night. It was the 12th of June if I’m able to remember correctly, and I had just left my final exam, an exam I gave knowing served no purpose other … Continue reading 9: The Longest of My Nights
I’m realising that I’m using this blog as sort of a public reflection of my days. My day today, was filled with James Blunt just constantly ringing in my head. Every hour on the hour I would estimate I’ve been listening to either “You’re Beautiful” or “Goodbye My Lover”. It’s like I woke up to … Continue reading 7: The End of Chapter 1.
Closure. Gratitude I've had this draft saved for sometime. It just had the heading because I have been at a complete loss for words but I knew closure was something I wanted to write about. But today, rather than writing a piece about the importance of closure or about my relationship with closure. This piece … Continue reading 6: Closure
A Sane Undertaking 