Sometimes I find myself going through these insanely positive motions throughout the day, there are days I just wake up and hit the gym, get a run in, read and spend the day learning. Then there are days, like most these days, where I do nothing. I’m confused about why I feel both are just different kinds of distractions from the real crux of the problem.
I think what it is, is I do not want to not have something to do. Sitting and thinking isn’t as philosophical as most think for me. I rarely think about the degree of seperation of the mind and the body, I rarely question standards of morality, most times I just think about why I’m miserable.
Maybe the reason I procrastinate become better; physically, mentally or just entirely is because I fear that I may be who I think I need to, and it will not help. I have an idea of a version of myself that should be unequivocally happy, but what if I become that person, live and aspire as that person, but fail to be happy.
Or maybe i’m just lazy, and I really don’t hate myself just the situation I am in. I don’t know. The second seems more likely but the first has a solution, and the latter does not. Therefore, I think it’s better to just assume the former is the real problem.
A Sane Undertaking 