I’m on day 5? Well I don’t know I smoked before leaving for my flight at 9AM on the 1st of July. It’s been a bit. My body is getting all weird, sometimes my nose starts running, it is right now. My throat gets itchy, but I think that’s all the shit I’ve done to myself finally being allowed to detox.
I don’t know, I don’t have any body pain or any fever, so I don’t think it’s corona. I think I’ll wait till next Sunday before leaving or anything, it’s safer that way. It is weird though, having so much clarity, so much time to think. I haven’t had an altered mental state in the longest I’ve gone since October.
My writing does feel grammatically incorrect, but I can’t be bothered right now.
I’m getting tired. All the time. I think it’s the detox, but might just be all this alone time.
Today my mom and I had an honest conversation, I was upfront about my relationship with drugs, sex and alcohol. It wasn’t easy on her but I feel that lying to her when she asked me was wrong. It being easy isn’t the point. Honesty is. Trust is.
I’m about to finish this book I’m reading, I decided I want to write a book, in like an existential way, like free flowing thought. Let’s see. I’ll try and finish it before graduating but starting it is so daunting.
All I do now is read, write, take a masterclass on how to write (first episode today) and workout. It kind of feels like I’m in jail.
Someone from America has been reading very specific posts on this blog. I think I might know who it is, but if it is that person, then why not just text me at this point. I feel like it’s better than just making whatever assumptions they probably are. I don’t know, I understand that when you write on a public platform everyone can see it, I’m not allowed to curate something I let out into the world.
I’m not worried about judgement though, not anymore. I’m just trying to be okay. This self isolation, this detox, is bringing a lot of clarity.
A Sane Undertaking 