you

you were the reason i slept through the night
you were why i stayed up till the sun rose
you were who i aspired to be enough for
you were who i went on this journey for
you were the one that cared excessively
you were the one that was enough
you were a simpler time
you were a memory to tell the next
you were a story, memorised
you were the reason i wanted to be more
you were the foundation in pandemonium
you were who i lied to
you were who i hid things from
you were someone i never wanted to lose
you were something i wasn’t ready for
you were what i needed but didn’t think was enough
you were enough
you should have been more
you are no longer present
you are no longer a reason
you are the reason i hear the birds chirping right now
you are why i can’t just close my eyes and wake up better
you are trouble, you were trouble
you are better, i am disposable
you were a mattress in the corner
you were a bathroom door forever engraved
you were a scare
you were scary
you were a smile followed by nothing but contentment
you were what i would go back to in a heartbeat
you i have lost forever
you are who i can never be again
you are what i could only have been then
you are what you were supposed to be:
adolescence.

I tried reconnecting with a friend today, one very fundamental in all the decisions I had made through out my life, but I feel like they are lost, I feel like I’ve lost them to this lifestyle of mine, but honestly i lost them a while ago, when I lost everything that remained.
I’m trying to figure out my way through my mind, rather than constantly attempt what google says.
I’m going to have a lost of posts that’ll just be little stories, memories that sometimes run through my mind. Most of the time they’ll be innocent and seem like i am reminiscing because they were, and i am. Other times they’ll be dark, sad, maybe a reminder.

You really don’t have to read this blog, it will get to be a bit too much.
I’m sorry.