Lucky

You know I’m lucky enough to have a lot of people that read this blog, and I’ve never written for someone else. Until lately.

I think it’s funny, how most of the people that read musings, must find it so weird. Like it genuinely sounds like I’m talking to a ghost, cause I suppose I am. Have I lost it? I think I might have.

I wish there was someone there last year, when it was all happening. When my parents were splitting up, when I lost my home, when I lost my grandfather, when I lost my groundings, I had already lost what I thought was my purpose a year before that.

It’s insane to me, how it’s been so long. I could never bring myself to stop reading, ever since I got that notification so many years ago on my gmail. When every single one of my posts was liked and I felt like I was being stalked, I suppose I was just being supported haha, but I couldn’t stop reading, so you can imagine it wasn’t easy after a point.

Nevertheless, it was good. I felt so much joy. When I read something knowing people are happy, knowing that there’s someone out there who is doing better. That I didn’t shatter it all for nothing, cause tbh I am not.

At this point, I’m at my lowest. By far, and rather than keeping this conversation private I’m quite literally publicly baring myself. It’s insane.

I wish people would follow this account at least, it’s really weird not knowing who’s reading it, I suppose I should follow some too.