Control.

Losing control.

I often contemplate the possibility of an afterlife, of there actually being a so called “reward/punishment” for your actions in this life. It often perplexes me how in the event of there being a higher power, we have absolutely no control.

That fucks with me slightly. In the event that it’s true then how fucked are most of the people I know… cause like holy fuck nobody really deserves a reward, deep down every single one of us have lost control for the briefest of seconds and made the most colossal fuck ups ever. It’s a little unfair how one minute of a bad deed can take away a life of good. Tell me this: Does a philanthropist deserve to go to hell solely because he refused to practice a religion that he doesn’t agree with. That’s fucked up. Does a venture capitalist deserve to go to hell solely because she doesn’t invest in a failing business-ultimately resulting in its collapse and the owners to starve. No I mean.. NO.

It’s kinda confusing cause like the music playing in the back is making my brain go all haywire and its all like weirdly vibing and shit… But alas fuck that lets continue.

Okay. So. Everyone losing control sometime. At their partner, their friend, their family… and even though they regret it very deeply, apologies can’t make up for the scars already created. So, with that said. Do people truly get to be sorry? practice patience, go to therapy, you’re better than this… phrases often said to people who fuck up a little more often than the average. But hey losing control is okay as long as its within a certain limit, cause everything has to be limited to be acceptable, that’s such crap.

We as a race, as a living organism, as a fucking entity lack control. According to most religious teachings at least, we are just puppets. So is it really our fault we lost control. How can you tell me to get some help, when you tell me that everything happens for a reason when you decide to remove yourself from my life. How can you tell me that my actions are inexcusable when you told me that everything is already planned and we are just acting out a manuscript of sorts.

A little fucked up.

But aren’t we all.