“Corrupted Beliefs.”

A little insight on who I think I am.

My beliefs have always been mine because no one has ever understood that for me values are not binary. I do not think I am by any means a good person nor a bad person, so what does that make me? In my opinion it makes me a person because I live by one very simple equation which is that if you are not bad and you are not good, you just are.

It’s kind of confusing because honestly even I don’t get it, but well anyway time to be insightful. For one I don’t smoke, get drunk, do drugs in any form or ingest anything my religion forbids but the occasional drink or two. But what’s interesting is that the reason for me not partaking in these activities is lost to even me, I know that I stopped smoking 3 years ago because I didn’t see the need to, I know that I don’t do drugs anymore cause I’m afraid if I hop back on I won’t ever hop back off and I know I don’t get drunk because I like the feeling of having a little control over my life.

The question lies why do I not ingest anything forbidden? I honestly think it’s because of the deep rooted socialization my parents have embedded within by brain which renders me incapable of even appreciating the utter succulence of pork.

What’s funny is that I like most teenagers am confused, I do believe in a single God, but do I believe in an organized religion. I honestly do hope that time will influence me in ways education has not and teach me the true essence of religious beliefs, alas then I shall savor them.

So I guess the most insightful fact I can let you in on is that I am confused, I am lost and I am unsure of whether I can be just a person or whether I must be a good or bad one. I am confused whether my beliefs are corrupted, whether my morality is corrupted or whether simply I am corrupted.