“Why; ?”

Why do I sit and wonder, thinking if I looked depressed enough someone will care. Is that what true sadness even is? Feeling like the only reason you have to live is for another to give you attention, does that make me an attention seeker or just lost?

People talk a lot about their passions and their goals and how they claim they’ll achieve them, oh their claims are so frustrating. Is it wrong that I don’t know what I’m passionate about or what I’m aiming to achieve, is it wrong that I tell everyone that I’m going to LUMS just because of the fact that I don’t know what else to aim for.

You see, I’m afraid. I’m afraid if I try I’ll fail, I’m afraid if I apply to the universities I really want to go to and I don’t get in, I’ll have to accept my irrelevance more than I already do. But sometimes I wonder is the fear of not applying just useless fear or is a realisation of how I’m not much different from those average joes that barely pass college, are talentless, and passionless.

Do I even know what I care enough about to call it a passion, I mean is there any one thing I care about enough to call a passion?