goodbye

I wonder what would have happened if all those years ago I hadn’t come across a series of emails, from someone who liked every single on of my posts, what a surprise it was, when one random day months later, I came across reading material that would affect me in ways I couldn’t fathom.

I’m really trying to build discipline, I suppose it’s the only option now. Accountability, discipline and keeping my head down.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to not go back and read it, again and again. It holds too much value for me, I don’t know how to discard it. I can’t. But I do hope it stops bringing me pain, and mine the same.

I have this weird hope in the future that one day, there’ll be this weird reunion, and the 6 of us will sit down. All completely different, completely separate, and just laugh. What else is their to do, when you see the people you associated with all your problems and happiness, but like it was some really kid shit.

It’ll be funny in my head, cause most of you will be married and have kids, I think I’ll be the only one that’ll be by himself. But I no longer think thats a bad thing. If I do have the discipline and the strength to work through my demons, then no goodbye has to be permanent.

That’s a nice thought.